Why is the BBC so in love with Bono when he's a dreadful old hypocrite?

Gush-factor: Bono causes the BBC to break out into sycophancy

From the fuss that some are making - well, the BBC is making anyway - you would think it was a long-lost sonnet of Shakespeare or at the very least a newly discovered poem by Philip Larkin.
Indeed, the BBC press office is in full gush-mode as it unveils its latest poetry reading addition to the Radio 4 schedule. 'Unique,' they drool. 'An atmospheric and artistic radio feature... purposefully quintessential'.
How wonderful, you might think. Better tune in for that one - a real cultural coup from Auntie at last. Sadly, though, as is so often the case with the Beeb nowadays, its sell is somewhat different to the reality.
In fact, what they're all getting so excited about is a baffling 850-line epic entitled Elvis: American David. And its author? The BBC's in-house Saint, U2's Bono. Or, as he was more conventionally christened, Paul Hewson.
Bono has always had all the usual egomaniac rock star mannerisms. Going by a coolsounding nickname, like Sting or Madonna, is one of them. Bono actually means 'good', a moniker the great man has accepted with his customary modesty.

Similarly, every good rock god must bestow equally ridiculous labels on his long-suffering children. Bono's contribution to this flourishing genre is to name one of his own Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q.

Tawdry

Then there's their numerous mansions in different countries, the really irritating habit of wearing sunglasses all the time and the elaborate tax avoidance schemes abroad.

But if Bono only wanted to enjoy the slightly tawdry trappings rock star success has brought him, no one would particularly complain.

What sticks in my craw is the philanthropic posturing that goes with it all. It's rather odd to make grandiose pronouncements about how climate change will hit the world's poor hardest, while flying on a private jet between your many homes.

More gob-smacking still was the recent revelation that, while demanding the rest of us pay more taxes to help address global poverty, Bono has shifted his music publishing business from Ireland to the Netherlands, thus reducing U2's own tax bill to a few pence in the pound.

Tax, after all, is for poor people. The rich have clever accountants, instead. Yet the Tax Justice Network reckons if the rich paid their taxes like the rest of us, instead of using tax havens, it would raise a staggering £255billion per annum. More than enough to tackle world poverty - in fact, enough to pay for the UN's current anti-poverty programme five times over.

Yet Bono still has one little group of ardent fans who think the sun shines out of his well-upholstered behind. Our dear old BBC, which perhaps should henceforth be called the Bono Broadcasting Corporation.

Peculiar: The BBC love U2 and even created the 'U2 = BBC' campaign for them

It has always been more than willing to flatter his vanity in thinking him not only a rock star, but a philanthropist, too. Now it's lauded him a poetic genius, polluting the airwaves of the generally sensible Radio 4 with his grandiose twaddle.
This is by no means the first time our licence fee has been spent on promoting the hypocrisy of Saint Bono.

Just a few months ago, the BBC gave U2 an astonishing amount of lucrative air time to plug their new album in a special campaign which saw the corporation rebranded as 'U2 equals BBC'.

It all culminated in a unique concert on the roof of Broadcasting House. Money literally couldn't buy such glowing and sustained publicity. But the album sold only 65,000 copies on its release date, compared with 133,000 for Take That's latest offering.
It seems poor old Auntie hasn't noticed that U2 don't exactly set the hearts racing like they used to. As well as this, it appears that you can't criticise Bono or his rather cushy and self-serving arrangements on the BBC without being censored.
Journalist Marina Hyde recently referred to Bono's use of tax loopholes on Radio 4's Start The Week, only for presenter Andrew Marr to immediately start harrumphing and casting doubt on the perfectly verifiable facts. And when the programme was repeated, Hyde's remarks were cut entirely.

And now we have the BBC announcing that, next week, it is to broadcast Saint Bono reading his poem, Elvis: American David. It is a gruesome outpouring of fantastically pretentious rubbish, only made worse by musical accompaniment.
Apparently, this will create what the BBC calls an 'atmospheric soundscape' of intertwined music and poetry. Yikes. It sounds like what happens when you're twiddling your tuner and can find nothing but radio static.

Slavish

But Bono's poetic self-importance is one thing. In the normal world we would all laugh at him, he would go quiet again, and that would be the end of it.

Unfortunately the BBC has long since ceased to inhabit the normal world, and is all too eager to confirm Bono's self-importance at every opportunity. It's true that the Beeb isn't the only section of the media to show a slavish devotion to celebrity culture. But surely the point about the Beeb is that it's supposed to know better.

The Beeb should know better than to indulge Bono and his band

It doesn't. Which is why next week it will be spending our money broadcasting Bono's 'poem' - inverted commas needed, surely - with the hushed reverence demanded by an Immortal Work of Art.

In case you've had the good fortune to miss it so far, here's a sample. Apologies for inflicting it on you. You can hear the whole performance next Wednesday, just in case you haven't got anything better to do, like sorting out your paperclips or putting all your CDs in alphabetical order.
It goes: 'Elvis, here come the killer bees, Head full of honey, potato chips and cheese.'
The BBC believes this is the kind of stuff that will 'make listeners view Elvis in a new light'. Well, that's true. Personally I never pictured Elvis with a head full of chips and cheese. I've always thought it was more his ample stomach which gave him trouble.
Mind you, I never thought of 'The King' dancing like a 'spastic' either - though no doubt that's because I am hopelessly pedestrian and prosaic and unable to keep up with Bono's own lofty and rapturous flights of poetic fancy.
He says: 'Elvis the ecstatic, Elvis the plastic, Elvis the elastic with a spastic dance'.

Worthless

Is it just me, or do 'ecstatic' and 'plastic' not actually rhyme? And can you imagine the paroxysms in which the BBC would have contorted itself if anyone else had dared to use the word 'spastic'?
'Elvis the bumper stickers, Elvis the white knickers, Elvis the white nigger ate at
Burger King, And just kept getting bigger...'
Perhaps, like all genuinely worthless songs, books or films, Bono's Elvis poem, with its oh-so-outrageous allusions to 'spastics' and 'niggers', is merely trying to conceal its own ineptitude by shocking us. The oldest trick in the book - and very, very tired.
All the same, inspired by the example of Elvis: American David, I have written my own poem, called 'Bono: Irish Twit', set to an 'atmospheric soundscape' of chanting leprechauns. I wonder if the BBC would be interested?

'Bono in your sunglasses, even when it rains, Bono in your private jet while the rest of us take trains, Bono with your tax affairs safely overseas, Bono, oh will you shut up, please.'
The craven reverence with which the BBC has taken to treating the ludicrous Bono is almost beyond a joke - but not quite. Let licence fee-payers everywhere keep laughing - while we still can.

BBC News Presenter George Alagiah a Chimp?

A BBC News presenter has apologized after comparing co presenter George Alagiah to a chimpanzee live on air.

He then jokingly asked viewers if they could see any likeness between the chimpanzee and Sri Lankan-born Mr Alagiah.

“This was a light-hearted comment. George and I are friends and I’d be horrified if anyone has interpreted this in any other way. I regret if I have unintentionally caused any offense,” The Sun quoted him, as saying.

Earlier, Eakin was discussing a story about a stone-throwing chimp at a Swedish zoo when he made the remark at the end of the 10 pm bulletin. He said, “Can you see any likeness?” while handing over to co-anchor George Alagiah.

The 53-year-old at first looked a little taken aback, but quickly laughed off the remark. Mediawatch chief John Beyer said the remark was ‘inappropriate’ and should not have been broadcast. TUC race equality officer Wilf Sullivan said: “I can see why people might have taken offense. If Chris Eakin was doing it in a way to refer to George then it would be a bit out of order.”

The BBC said it had received only one complaint about the joke.

BBC denies new Doctor Who Matt Smith knew about betting

London, Jan 6 : The BBC has denied new Doctor Who Matt Smith had any knowledge about the betting that took place over the identity of the 11th Doctor.

A wager had been waged on Smith, 26, at odds of up to 80-1, and when he landed the role unexpectedly, he was dragged into a betting scandal after bookies, who stood to lose tens of thousands of pounds, said the wagers had been placed after the BBC told the new Doctor he had gotten the role.

Most of the bets were placed in Northamptonshire, the county Smith grew up in, but a BBC spokeswoman has denied that he or anyone he knew was involved in the betting.

The BBC has no knowledge of anyone betting on the outcome of the identity of the 11th Doctor, the Daily Star quoted her as saying.

It appears that several people at the Corporation were in the know about the appointment, and that Smith had been told he had the part shortly before Christmas.

But the BBC refused to confirm exactly how many people knew about the appointment.

Paddy Power spokesman Darren Haines said that they took 40,000 pounds in bets on Smith and his rivals.
The vast majority of these bets were placed in Northamptonshire. What can I say its not normally a hotbed for this kind of betting. It seems somebody knew something, he said.

But good luck to those involved. Thats what gambling is all about having an edge. Im just upset I wasnt on it, he added.

Last night a Northamptonshire police spokesman said that the force would investigate any complaints of insider gambling in conjunction with the Gambling Commission.

If found guilty they and anyone who dishonestly tipped them off face two years in jail and a fine.
However, Betfair confirmed they knew the person who requested Smith be added to their market and everyone who bet on him, and said that they would fully co-operate with any inquiry.

Betfair knows the identity of everyone who places a bet on the site and we are positioned to monitor all of our markets, Betfairs spokesman Tony Calvin said.

Tragic Quote of the week: "Zimbabwe Is Mine"

Mugabe: "I will never surrender"

President Robert Mugabe has said that "Zimbabwe is mine" and rejected calls from some African leaders to step down.

"I will never, never, never surrender," he told delegates of his ruling Zanu-PF party at its annual conference.
Mr Mugabe also said he had sent a letter to the country's main opposition leader, Morgan Tsvangirai, inviting him to be sworn in as prime minister.
Earlier, Mr Tsvangirai said he would pull out of power-sharing talks unless abductions of his supporters stopped.
He said more than 40 members of his Movement for Democratic Change (MDC) were missing and accused the Zanu-PF of orchestrating a campaign of terror.

The only persons with the power to remove Robert Gabriel Mugabe are the people of Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe Dollar is key to Zimbabwe survival

Zimbabwe is currently gripped by economic collapse and a cholera epidemic. The UN on Thursday reported that the death toll from the disease had risen to 1,123 and that 20,896 people had been infected.
UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown said on Friday the antiquated methods being used to treat the epidemic could not bring hope to the suffering of Zimbabweans, and called for more aid to be sent.
"I believe the situation, contrary to what President Mugabe says, from all the evidence we have is deteriorating and deteriorating rapidly," he told a news conference in London.
US Assistant Secretary of State for African Affairs Jendayi Frazer meanwhile said there was "a complete collapse right now" in Zimbabwe, and said Mr Mugabe needed to step down.
'Pack of lies'
But in a defiant speech at Zanu-PF's annual conference in Bindura, the president insisted "the only persons with the power to remove Robert Gabriel Mugabe are the people of Zimbabwe".
"I will never, never, never surrender. Zimbabwe is mine, I am a Zimbabwean. Zimbabwe for Zimbabweans," he said.

WHERE AFRICA STANDS Critical of Robert Mugabe - Botswana's president has called for fresh elections - Kenya's PM wants African governments to oust Mr Mugabe - Senegal's president says Mr Mugabe should give up power - Zambia's late president called the region's silence over election violence "scandalous" - Nigeria's foreign minister says he told Mr Mugabe to go in June Pro power-sharing - Southern African Development Community (Sadc) maintains power-sharing is the only solution - South Africa, the regional powerhouse, backs Sadc - The African Union says a unity cabinet is the only way forward

Mr Mugabe said international criticism of his government's handling of the cholera outbreak was "a pack of lies".
"I won't be intimidated. Even if I am threatened with beheading, I believe this and nothing will ever move me from it: Zimbabwe belongs to us, not the British," he added.
He also questioned whether any of his country's neighbours would "have the courage to order a military intervention".
"What would they come and do militarily here? All that they would come and really pose is a threat to our stability," he said.
"There would be an unnecessary war started in a foolish manner because of foolish persuasion coming from foolish sources."
Senegalese President Abdoulaye Wade became the latest in an increasing number of senior African politicians calling for Mr Mugabe to quit earlier on Friday.
He told the French newspaper, La Croix, that he had supported Mr Mugabe in the past but was forming the view that the president was now the cause of his country's problems.
'No letters'
Also in his speech on Friday, the Zimbabwean leader said he had written to Mr Tsvangirai, inviting him to become prime minister as part of the inclusive power-sharing government, but expressed doubt whether he would accept.
"I have sent letters so that they can come and I can swear [in] and appoint them. We have not reached a stage where we can say with a degree of certainty that they want to be part of this," he said.

Mr Tsvangirai has threatened to withdraw from the power-sharing talks

MDC officials told the Reuters news agency that they had received no such letters.
The two rivals signed a power-sharing deal in September, under which Mr Tsvangirai would have become prime minister and head a new council of ministers, but they have been unable to agree on the distribution of key ministries.
Earlier, Mr Tsvangirai said Mr Mugabe had repeatedly broken the spirit of the agreement.
He said the president was trying to stay in power at all costs, and threatened to suspend all contact with the Zanu-PF unless there was an end to the abduction of MDC supporters and civil society activists.
"More than 42 members have been abducted," the MDC leader told a news conference in Botswana, where he is currently based.
"If these abductions do not cease immediately and if all abductees are not released or charged in a court of law by 1 January 2009, I will be asking the MDC's national council to pass a resolution to suspend all negotiations and contact with Zanu-PF."
Mr Tsvangirai said there could be no meaningful talks while a campaign of terror was being waged to undermine the MDC's support and reduce it to a junior partner in the new government.
BBC Southern Africa correspondent Peter Biles says that this represents a significant shift in Mr Tsvangirai's position, as he had previously remained committed to the power-sharing talks despite a number of reservations. 

BBC News